Way back when, wife material was pretty simple. If you could cook, clean, and listen to your husband, you pretty much had it figured out. “Perfect” wives stayed at home. They cared for the children and had a lovely dinner prepared for the family every night by 6pm. It was simple, but somewhat depressing. Actually, really depressing.

But things have changed. People have different values, different views, and vastly different ideas about what makes the perfect partner. Women aren’t expected to care for the children and men aren’t expected to be the breadwinner. In fact, what makes a woman “wife material” isn’t so basic anymore. Cooking and cleaning is great, but nowadays we look for and expect more from our relationships. We no longer want the “perfect” household, we want a fulfilling life with the right person.

 

So, what is wife material? What does that really mean?

After having the discussion with the wonderful men in my life, I’ve learned “wife material” isn’t one singular trait or characteristic. It’s a much deeper question that takes time and care to answer. It has nothing to do with one’s appearance or their marital duties, it’s almost entirely about a couple’s ability to connect and remain connected.

 

After digging deep, here’s what wife material really means:

 

1. She knows how to laugh

“For me, it’s if she makes me laugh. If she’s “all that” with no sense of humour, what’s the point? But if she’s a funny person… life is going to be good with her.”

 Whether it’s laughing at one’s self or laughing together, the ability to laugh is definitely wife material. When things are good, you laugh. When things are bad, you laugh. And at the end of the day, you’ll remember the laughter above everything else. Laughing and loving life together is what carries relationships through the best and worst times, so laugh at it all. He values it more than you’ll ever know.

 

2. She shares my values and interests

 “When you share values and interests as a couple it’s a deeper relationship… You can do the things you love together, even if they aren’t necessarily “couple” activities.”

 Having similar values and interests is one major aspect of wife material. Of course, there will always be differences, but having values that align helps build the core of your relationship. When you’re able to connect on a level that’s beyond the surface, your relationship is undeniably stronger. There’s nothing he loves more than doing the things you love, together, so spend the time you have doing what you love.

 

3. She’s her own kind of sexy

“Wife her up if she’s sexy for you and no one else. If she’s confident and in love and wants you all the time… wife.”

Real wife material is a woman who loves intimate moments with her man. It would be a lie to say sex isn’t an important aspect of relationships. It’s one of those things that just has to stay intimate, and for lack of a better word, sexy. Men love it when their woman is confident and in love with their sex life. When guys find someone they connect with on an intimate level, they’re going to keep them around forever. So be your sexy-self and love it.

  

4. She’s strong

“She’s a tough one. She finds challenges and overcomes them. She knows what she wants, and I love watching her go and get it. She never gets defeated and that makes me proud.” 

A strong woman has always been sexy, but it’s also a huge aspect of what makes a woman wife material. Men love a woman who sets goals, has passion, and fights for what she wants. It makes them proud watching the person they love take the world into their own hands and succeed. Don’t let anything stand in your way, because deep down, your man loves it.

  

5. She’s my best friend

“You marry someone because they’re the one person you know you can’t live without. They’re the person you want to be with forever. In every way possible, they’re your very best friend.”

It might sound cliché, but best friend material and wife material are really becoming the same thing. It’s a synonymous term. Take all of the above traits and mash them together and you’ve got the ultimate best friend. You share the same values, laugh together, love each other’s company, and support each other endlessly. At the end of the day, it seems like wife material, is actually best friend material.

 

Decoding wife material is actually easier than you’d think. It doesn’t mean you’re the perfect woman, the sexiest, the trophy wife… And it means a lot more than just wearing a ring.

It means every part of you is perfect in his or her eyes. There’s no changing one’s self to become wife material. There’s no set definition. It’s not a trend you can follow. It’s a matter of finding that one person you connect with, and spending the rest of your life connecting with them.

 

Previously published on Thought Catalog.